When boys gossiped about a girl having sex, they would say she “gave it up” ignoring that the girl was not only giving but also receiving pleasure. His insistence that I “get” whenever I “give” echoed the proverbs I heard growing up in the barbershops and playgrounds where boys learned how to be men. To not ‘get yours back’ was to suffer a loss that needed to be balanced out, a measure of displaced manhood that must be reset. My friend’s advice suggested that to be penetrated is to give away something valuable that must be paid back. Lighting a second post-sex Newport, he advised, “well if you do that with someone, make sure you get yours back.” “You sure you haven't done this before?” I told him I really liked it and that I looked forward to getting better at it. I was so relaxed throughout it all that it stumped him. It was a college friend who did the honors. Before this initiation, I enjoyed getting and giving head and frottage, but no penetration whatsoever. I had not placed anything bigger than my finger inside. I expected it to be really painful the first time I got fucked. “Free your mind, and your ass will follow…”
